Of Shoes and Ships and MarySues
by ObsessiveComplusiveFangirl
Summary: A parody about HP ships and other aspects of fandom. Read it if only to laugh at the stupidity.


Summary: This random act of stupidity is basically just me killing some time, making fun of Harry Potter ships (even though I'm an active supporter of certain ships) and other aspects of HP fandom. Enjoy.  
  
RATED PG-13 for mild swearing, references to homosexuality, and a very politically incorrect Michael Jackson joke.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (though I wish I owned Draco, heehehe). They are all the creations of the brilliant JK Rowling. So don't sue me, or I'll have to break out my awesome Jackie Chan moves. ::ignores the sniggers::  
  
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In the Gryffindor common room . . .  
  
HERMIONE: Wow, I just finished the extra credit I requested from all my teachers. (heavy sigh) What to do???  
  
(HARRY enters)  
  
HERMIONE: Ohmigosh! Harry, you're a hunk!  
  
HARRY: (pulls HERMIONE into his arms) I know, I feel the same way. Even though I've never had romantic feelings for you, you're hot now, so what the hell?  
  
(HARRY and HERMIONE kiss)  
  
HARRY: Pumpkin pie lip-gloss. Yummy.  
  
(RON enters)  
  
RON: Bloody hell! What you doing, Harry? You know how I feel about Hermione!  
  
HARRY: All you two ever do is argue!  
  
HERMIONE: Harry, Ron's right. We've been fighting all this time, when in fact we were just hiding our true feelings!  
  
(HERMIONE throws herself into RON's arms)  
  
HERMIONE: Ron, I want to have your babies!  
  
RON: Sounds good to me.  
  
(DRACO enters, snogging GINNY)  
  
RON: Draco, you git, lay off my sister!  
  
GINNY: No, Ron, don't deny me my true love! We're meant to be together. We're like fire and ice, Romeo and Juliet, -  
  
(GINNY is cut off by HARRY kissing her)  
  
GINNY: (squeals) What was that for?  
  
HARRY: Well, Hermione left me, and you're the only other girl in the room.  
  
(DRACO eyes HARRY)  
  
DRACO: Ever heard of slash, dude? (A/N: Sorry, I'm from California, couldn't resist putting "dude" in)  
  
(GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR enters)  
  
GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR: Hi! (in an annoying, perky voice)  
  
(Everyone turns and stares)  
  
RON: Whoa, her hair's like blinding me . . .  
  
GINNY: Who are you?  
  
GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR: (giggles) Oh, no one. I'm just here to be perfect! (starts skipping around the room)  
  
HERMIONE: Oh, no! She's- she's one of THEM!  
  
HARRY: Huh?  
  
HERMIONE: It's a Mary Sue! Run for your lives!!!  
  
(Everyone screams in horror and takes cover, except for GINNY, who bravely walks up to GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR)  
  
GINNY: (makes the sign of the cross with her fingers) Back, devil!  
  
(SNAPE enters)  
  
DRACO: Harry, it's my ex-boyfriend. Hide me.  
  
GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR: Hey, I know you! You're Sheriff Nottingham!  
  
SNAPE: Not now, Jessica Simpson. I have more important matters to deal with.  
  
(SNAPE walks up to HERMIONE and kisses her)  
  
RON: (shakes head sadly) I lost her. Who would have known that chicks dig older guys with poor personal hygiene?  
  
GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR: (hugs Ron) Oh, Ronny! I'm so sorry for you. Let's go to the Great Hall and eat some Chicken of the Sea.  
  
RON: (wraps his arm around GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR's waist) You got it, baby.  
  
GIRL WITH REALLY SHINY HAIR: I'm not a baby, silly! HAHAHAHA. (runs into door)  
  
(SNAPE leaves with HERMIONE, and HARRY leaves with DRACO)  
  
GINNY: (falls onto couch) I'm all alone! Woe is me! (starts sobbing)  
  
(THE HE-SHE BLAISE ZABINI comes down the girls' staircase) A/N: Will we ever know if this character was a boy or a girl? Probably not. One of the great mysteries of life . . .  
  
THE HE-SHE BLAISE ZABINI: What's wrong?  
  
GINNY: Leave me alone! Can't you see I'm angst-ing!  
  
THE HE-SHE BLAISE ZABINI: I think I can help.  
  
GINNY: (sniffles) How?  
  
THE HE-SHE BLAISE ZABINI: It's a cocktail called a Gin and Tonic.  
  
(THE HE-SHE BLAISE ZABINI hands the Gin and Tonic to GINNY)  
  
GINNY: (takes a sip) Hey, that's not bad. (begins to chug the cocktail, gets "giddy") Blaise- ha, funny name- weren't you a boy once?  
  
THE HE-SHE BLAISE: (sigh) I was once. Then I spent a weekend at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. I got confused about my identity and had a sex change operation.  
  
GINNY: (giggles) That's nice. (passes out)  
  
~FIN~ 


End file.
